Duty & Obligation vs. Love & Genuine Desire
It seems to me that most people spend a good portion of their lives driven by negative and fear-based motivators rather than acting in the freedom of genuine authentic desire (i.e. love). I know just how strong these negative motivators are because I have spent so much of my own life under the influence and control of duty, obligation and an over-active sense of feeling responsible for the well-being of others. But negative motivators are not God’s way, nor his design for humanity. Scripture says: “God is love;” and thus every thought, feeling and action of God is always a free expression of pure, authentic, genuine and unadulterated love. Unlike with humanity, there is not even a hint of manipulation to be found in the Trinity’s pure & loving relational paradigm.
From the time we arrive on this planet, we are so often schooled in manipulative fear-based paradigms that constantly hurt and control us in so many ways, more than we ever fully realise. Manipulative paradigms literally suck the joy & vitality out of our human experience. To varying degrees, we all end up becoming slaves to systems of thought that originate in the ‘fallen mind of man’ and not the mind of God. Thus, we can so often end up doing the supposedly ‘right thing’, but for all the wrong reasons.
Duty and obligation actually destroy the quality of our human existence. We can subsequently end up with relationships that are a shell of what they are supposed to be, or could be, apart from these negative motivators. We can simply end up gathering together because we think we ‘have to,’ or ‘ought to,’ and completely lose touch with what we really want to do, if we were totally free from all sense of obligation. We can end up not genuinely enjoying our time together & ultimately wishing that we were somewhere else. This only fuels our resentment & frustration, & can cause us to be dishonest with ourselves about the true state & reality of our relationships.
The only truly life-giving way to relate is in complete freedom (i.e. to ‘freely give’ and to ‘freely receive’) with absolutely no strings attached. But how many of us truly live all our lives like this? Most of us are so very often doing things because we think we ‘have to’ or ‘ought to’ & not because we genuinely and authentically ‘want to’. It is a death-trap to live continually like this. Obligation kills relationship by inhibiting or removing the freedom necessary for love to be truly expressed. Thus, the more we live under obligation’s spell, the less fulfilling or satisfying our lives become.
Love in its genuine fullness, can only truly function in a context void of manipulation. Love can actually only truly be expressed when it is freely given, and in a totally unforced manner. To truly live in love, is to be free from manipulative constraints such as duty & obligation. To truly love is to be free to follow your heart, and not the faulty programming we are so often schooled in by our culture, society, religion and most fundamentally, our families. To walk in love is actually to be free from the unhealthy expectations & agenda of others (be they perceived or real).
Having said all this; I know that I am still affected by negative motivators. I well know that it can be difficult and confronting to be honest with yourself in facing the truth of how manipulation is directly affecting and controlling your life. I understand that it can be hard to take the steps necessary to stop allowing people to mistreat us with their manipulative agendas; particularly when you are predisposed or conditioned into allowing them to do so. But, with God's help, coupled with our willingness, there is a way through in dealing with these manipulative, fear-based paradigms that are hurting us.
I have personally seen the love of God progressively setting me free in my own life. I have seen God doing a work in me; taking me from 'fear-based' thinking (including duty & obligation) into the realisation of love’s pure desire. Father has helped me to face difficult places in my life where I have repeatedly allowed people to mistreat and use me. It is through my experiential knowledge of God’s unconditional love that I am increasingly empowered to live from the freedom of love’s genuine & unfettered desire. And so my prayer is: “Father, win me completely to love’s truth & ways.”
By Scott Ezzy
26 Dec, 2017